I toured the Musée de Louvre which is something I didn’t have time to do before.  I could spend days there easily.  I had lots of duck, baguette, cheese, orangina, and french wine.  I was able to practice more french and even pick some up as I interacted with people.  People I interacted with didn’t revert to English a majority of the time which I viewed as small progress.  I got my croque monsieur and thé verte at café des Deux Moulins on the very first day.  It was nice to see the familiar vendors and markets in Montmartre from my previous visit and to find some new hidden gems.  I also managed to wander the gourmet food market at Galeries Lafayette.  It was pretty amazing and more than a little overwhelming

The time went by at just the right pace.  It didn’t seem too slow or too short.  I came home before I was homesick, but with out feeling like I’d run out of time.  The “kids” all seemed to do great while I was gone.

I had a good amount of time to reflect during this vacation (and the long flights).  I really feel so incredibly peaceful with life right now.  It still surprises me honestly.  There are still unknowns and unfinished plans, but I really feel very happy.  I truly thought I’d find this time in my life to be a little bit more depressing and restless, but instead I feel very rich.  I feel like there are a million different directions I could be going, all amazing and good.  I also still feel like my underlying life path is the right one for me too.  I don’t know if that makes sense exactly.  I feel like my base is good and there are only more amazing things I could be doing on top of it.  Maybe that’s a better way to phrase it.  I have old and new activities that help center, ground, and delight me.  I have all sorts of new people in my life from the romantic to the platonic and I feel like I’ve deepened and become more secure in many of the relationships I already had and even in myself.

Now it’s time to really dig in to spring preparations!  I’m very excited for this spring to come!

I also decided this week to “break up” with my therapist.  We had gotten to a pretty good place and a whole lot of that was due to my work with her, but I think it’s time to step away from that for a little while.  I still have some personal growth efforts underway, that I think will help strengthen my support system more organic/naturally.

I went on my first “girl date” this week.  In an effort to expand my pool of female friends I’m going on “girl dates” to effectively date and find (hopefully!) a best friend.  At the very least it will result in an expanded social circle and some new adventures, so it’s all positive.

I’ve been enjoying going to Palettes and Pairings with Julie so much, that we’ve settled in to a monthly rhythm.  Maybe I’ll get tired of it at some point but so far it’s been great fun.  It’s expanded my painting skills which I’ve not been focusing on for years.  It’s motivated me to start painting at home again.  And last but not least it’s just a great relaxing time to sit and chat with Julie about love, life, and the pursuit of happiness  The frequency, flexibility, and affordability of the classes makes it really easy to fit in to busy schedules.  I was telling folks at work how much fun I was having so I ended up being asked to organize a team event there.  So I got an extra day of painting with my coworkers!

I’ve let archery league go for the time being because I had loaded up my schedule pretty heavily.  With discontinuing therapy I’m hoping to free up time for league, but we’ll see

I also kind of got off track on my life coach program which I need to pull back out and work on.  I think daily exercises may have been a little aggressive with other things going on at the same time, but no excuses.  I need to wrap up that program.  I think it’s beneficial and the regular journaling is very focusing.

On the farm front, new birds come in late April still.  I found a local farm that will do the slaughter for $10/bird which is *awesome*.  I was a bit nervous about slaughtering turkeys from a logistics perspective.  So I’ll be taking the ducks, geese, and turkeys to them for processing later this summer.  I need to start planning the garden soon as well.  It’s been on my to do list since the new year

I did make my first batch of homemade soap (not milk based) and it’s just now come of age.  So all my lovely friends, family, or lurkers… if you want a bar of homemade lavender vanilla soap, let me know!  If I don’t use it or give it away it’s hard to justify trying to make more

I’m also going to try my hand at making sausage this weekend.  I’ve been wanting to do that for awhile and decided to pull out everything and look up recipes so I’m committed now.

Last weekend I made a run to the hardware stores and ikea to try to finish off some of the decorating.  I picked up and assembled a china cabinet so now I have some where to store all my holiday gifts.  I also changed out the dining room light fixture and hung curtains to soften the appearance.  The room is now one of my more favorite rooms in the house.  Along with putting my easel back up I keep feeling drawn to spend time in there.

This weekend my mother, all three aunts, and my maternal grandmother will all be coming to visit for an overnight.  It’s going to be a full house!  I’m trying to get everything tidied up in preparation.  It’s been a little easier because heavy flooding this week has had me working at home the last couple days which means I can run dishes and laundry in between tasks.

I can’t believe Paris is only about a month away!  I really haven’t thought about it much at all.  I should probably start thinking about what I want to try to do while there

There are a couple reasons it appeals to me so much. First, and obviously, it’s a kick ass work out. I’m consistently sore for days afterwards and really most of that comes from the hardcore “warm up” they put us through which is all floor work. It’s aimed at improving your dancing but it’s also there to really push the time into a full work out.

Another reason is that there is no audience, no recital. Pole is inherently something that’s intended for a small audience. My studio really encourages self expression, not performance for an audience. “Public solitude” is a phrase we are hearing more and more and really it’s a skill that applies outside of dance too. Sometimes it’s really helpful\healthy to just focus inwardly. It’s kind of meditative. It’s the way you get to the “dance like no one is watching” cliche.

Along with that there is no “wrong way” to dance. There is correct form for most spins but that’s more about the spins appearing graceful and avoiding injuring yourself. As a result of that the studio is lightly lit and there are no mirrors or windows. The music is often a bit loud when running our routines to help drown out the other voices in your head and allow you to really feel it. When you stop worrying about if you are doing a routine precisely right you start truly dancing. Your mistakes become your own spin (no pun intended) on the dance and you learn to incorporate them in a graceful way and just keep dancing. What a great metaphor for life!

All of the women at the studio have such an amazing vibe\bond. We are all exposing ourselves a little emotionally and physically. It truly brings out the sisterhood in everyone. The classes are small and intimate and we helpfully and gently try to help coach each other and you hear a lot of “gorgeous ladies!” (Jen) and compliments on your grace and personal style from the other dancers. It feels more like what I imagine a good sorority house feels like. Sometimes I wish I could just hang out at the studio lobby for an hour for the sense of female connectedness alone. There is no pole dance body type other than being feminine (choosing my words carefully because I bet there are some kick ass male pole dancers too).

Oh, and the “divine” style of dance is not sexy, it’s sensual. It’s slow, graceful, thoughtful, and intimate not overtly sexual. It’s like an amazing night making love with or with out a partner, not a one night stand. The best way I can describe the actual activity is it’s like sensual yoga. We spend about as much time on dance as we do the pole. Pole really has the wow factor and showcases a lot of strength, but the dance is where more of the expression and sensuality comes in. If you’ve seen some of the champion pole fitness videos out there that is primarily pole work and only part of what we do.

Now that I’m done gushing, if you’ve been thinking about trying pole dancing don’t keep debating it like I did! I have some discount codes that we are allowed to share for my studio if you are interested in taking a workshop (one session intro class) or even 101 pole or dance. Just drop me an email or comment.

I’m still dating which requires a fair amount of energy and time.  It’s weird to still be in the formal/getting-to-know-you dating stage.  It’s just so different than the rest of the relationship experience.  Far more stressful.

This week I am starting a remote/online life coaching thing.  I’m not sure how much I’ll talk about it, but who knows.  I may chose to make my thoughts public down the road.  It involves a weekly conference call and daily “exercises”.  I’m interested to see the results.  I’m still doing weekly sessions with my personal therapist as well.  It’s been been a thought provoking journey and I’m glad I’ve stuck with it.

This weekend I will be in Vegas with about 20 of my friends and family  It should be a nice relaxing weekend.

I haven’t been to yoga in a couple weeks due to holidays, travel, and being sick ALL this past week.  It just seems to be a really bad cold, not the flu, but I do not recall the last time I’ve had a cold like this.  It was a good kick in the butt to get back on my vitamins and other healthful routines but has done nothing for my attempts to lose a few pounds before going to Paris in April.  Oh well, I’ll get back on that when I’m better.  The nice thing about yoga is I can’t “fall behind” really.

And next week, after I get back from Vegas, I start my weekly pole dancing class!  I’m still very excited about that!

My schedule ends up that I only have one week night free each week and then the weekends.  I’ve been doing a decent job loading up weekends with dates or girls nights though

After Paris in April I have new baby birds (chicks, ducklings, goslings, and turkeys!) showing up.  I need to think about garden prep soon too.  The baby birds will have me grounded for a couple months at least though, but I think I will have done enough travel by then though.

Oh! I used some frequent flier miles for my Paris trip, as I had been planning on doing, BUT I still have enough miles left for ANOTHER international flight.  I’m thrilled!  I have to think about where I might want to go late this year or early next year (and save up some extra cash for it).

I bought a new bow over the New Year and I’m pretty excited about it.  I need to make time to practice regularly at home (when I’m no longer sick) and I still really want to try to find a league.  I also hope to make it to the mountains for snowboarding at least *once* this season.  I need to get on that too.

Some things I’ve learned:

Many people that contact you won’t carry on a conversation past the first day.  I’m not sure if this is because they are just feeling lonely or maybe they aren’t really available to be dating, but about 50% of the guys that initiate a conversation will be very talkative for a day or two and then just stop.  I don’t think this is because they’ve had some epiphany about me that turns them away.  Polling my other friends using online dating it seems to be common for both genders.

Don’t invite someone to your house unless you are planning on sleeping with them.  This disappoints me a little but it seems to be the common assumption that if you invite someone to your home that you are implying that’s where things are going.  I don’t invite a first date to my house to begin with, but I do feel like hanging out in a low pressure environment is conducive to getting to know someone.

People make up weird excuses for turning someone down because it’s “easier” than saying “hey this isn’t working for me”.  The best one to date was being told that *I* wasn’t interested in *them* as a reason for why they didn’t want to continue talking.  This is not the date you are looking for *hand wave*

Things I’ve learned about myself, or kind of my “guidelines”.  Some of these are developed with the feedback of friends as well:

I’m not going to initiate contact the majority of the time.  Call it the “He’s just not in to you” approach, but I’m old fashioned that way.  If you “wink” or “nudge” me but can’t bring yourself to send a simple message, I’m not going to respond.

If you are only looking for women your age and younger, I’m probably not going to respond.

I have pictures on my profile don’t ask for more.  I’m not saving a topless shot for that awesome guy that asked for more pictures.

I want to get to know you online a bit first before I go meet a complete stranger at a bar or coffee shop.  I guess this frustrates some people, but uhm, yea.  I think it speaks for itself really.

I’m not going to kiss you and I don’t expect you to try to kiss me on a first date unless it’s incredibly exceptional.  A kiss is not a requirement and a date is not a promise.

It goes with out saying after the previous item, but I’m not going to sleep with you on the first date… or the second… or probably the third or fourth.

I would like you to pay for dinner or assume you are going to.  If I offer to split it you can take me up on it, but you should at least be planning on paying.  I can respect being on a budget, and I’m not out for a free meal, but this is back to the old fashioned bit.  It’s less about the money and more about the gesture.

If you are unemployed or have no transportation (doesn’t have to be a car!) I’m not interested.  Get yourself sorted out first.  We are in our mid-30′s for goodness sake!

I can’t do dates consecutive nights in a row.  It just far exceeds my capacity as an introvert.

Ahhh, the joys of being single…  If only someone could  make it easier…

I have a great job doing something that I’m passionate enough about that some times it drives me crazy, and with people I like well enough to want to talk to outside of the office even. I’m incredibly fortunate to be able to own my own home and be living a lifestyle that brings me endless amounts of happiness. I have the luxury to travel, buy frivolous things, spoil others, and not have to stress money most of the time. I have amazing friends and family that love me and remind me how wonderful and available they are through their actions, not just words. I have the unconditional love, companionship, and protection of my little posse of fur babies. I have the ability to give love and be loved. I continue to feel utterly and completely fortunate, or blessed for lack of a better word. I recognize all the wonderfulness in my life on a near daily basis. I frequently find myself smiling at the world around me and feeling like I am in on some secret that not everyone gets (chooses?) to see.

I think all of this often, but tend to keep it to myself a bit I guess. I know the perpetual optimist can be tedious, and hell I do still have my moments from time to time.

Maybe it’s just age and maturity, but I feel a lot more comfortable with myself and my situation than I ever expected I would. Sure my ideal is still to have a honest, faithful, loving spouse that I can share a family with, but I think those things will work themselves out in time.

I made no plans for today and I’m a little excited about it. My therapist gave me my birthday off even. I have champagne in the fridge and plan on going to the florist to get some beautiful roses (well when it’s actually waking hours). Today is just about me celebrating myself and it’s pretty freaking awesome

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes!

In the last month I’ve started dating, got two new tattoos, attended my first “con”, got all the divorce paperwork filed (finally!), planned a trip to my sister’s in Cali for the holidays and one to visit a friend in the bay area next month, planned my first shindig at my house, filled the wood shed, filled the freezer with lamb from a friend, started playing WoW (occasionally)… I guess that’s the gist of it.  It’s been busy and fun.  I’m feeling really settled in, in a good way.  I’m getting used to doing everything for myself and kind of enjoying the satisfaction of it.  I’m slowly getting all the random little projects around the house taken care of.  I’m still seeing a therapist working through post marriage stuff and we are working through some of the “hard” stuff which makes me happy.  I am doing loads of introspection and feel so much more balanced than I have in a long time.  I didn’t entirely realize how much a toxic relationship can drag you down.  I mean it totally makes sense, but I didn’t even realize how toxic it had gotten since clearly I didn’t actually know what was going on.  I occasionally think about Mars and the girls and miss them, but there’s little I can do about that.  I don’t find myself feeling lonely or sad, and even the anger has subsided.  I occasionally feel like I’m not taking *enough* time for myself and my introverted need to recharge   Filling my calendar and being social was something I thought I was going to have to work at since I’m not naturally really outgoing, but between good, thoughful friends and just making “yes” my default answer I’m keeping quite busy.  I’m even venturing out and doing stuff by myself which I think is good for me on many levels.  The more I do the more excited I get to go out and do more things in general.  I’m still trying to figure out when and where to travel in the near term.  I’m thinking probably in the Feb time frame, but I haven’t decided where I want to go and if I want to go alone or with someone.  I’m all kinds of symbolic so I’m really tempted to go back to Paris and “reclaim” the experience since it was part of my honeymoon.  I’d like to rewrite those memories with something of my own, and besides… Paris is just awesome!  I’ve got all the time in the world to figure it out though.  Tonight I’m out to dinner with a girlfriend and then home to try to get the house picked up.  Tomorrow I have therapy after work and yet more tidying up.  Thursday a friend arrives in town to stay through the weekend and Saturday I’m hosting a Pumpkin Party!

This is my new favorite tattoo   It has many meanings to me, but right now I chose to believe it represents the infinite possibilities ahead of me.

The time in Maui was great but felt WAY TOO SHORT!  I caught a connecting flight from Portland so I was on the same flight as Mom, Dad, and Cindy which was convenient and better than flying alone.  We arrived on Sunday, got the rental car and headed to the condo in Kihei.  Mom, Cindy and I ran across the street to see the “beach” which was, indeed, a beach but full of seaweed.  We got our feet sandy and wet at least.  Then we headed out to the grocery store to stock the fridge for meals.  I got to cook most of the time I was there which I enjoyed.

We did some shopping in Wailea so I could pick up a Tiffany charm for my collection but I ended up buying two since there is a limited edition one they only have in the Hawaii stores.  I couldn’t resist!  We spent some time on the beach there where the water was nicer.  We seemed to keep pretty busy most of the time.  I did get some reading and I managed to get some color.  We drove around the “up country” Kula area and visited the Surfing Goat Dairy for a tour, tasting, and lunch.  We visited Alii Kula Lavender farm  although the drizzle and cool didn’t have us too motivated to wander the fields.  We tried to hit up Tedeschi Vineyards in Ulupalakua, but it was labory day and they happened to be closed.  I found their pineapple wine at the local ABC Store later so I got to try it anyway.  It wasn’t as sweet as I was expecting.  I rather liked it honestly.

We did the road to Hana later in the week and were daring *gasp* and went the whole way round Haleakala.  The south side of the crater was really unlike anything I’ve ever seen in Hawaii.  The contrast was stunning.

My trip home was unfortunately far more eventful than I would have preferred.  I left on Saturday late morning intending to get back to Seattle Saturday evening so I could have Sunday to unpack, do laundry and get settled before starting back to work.  My flight out was the same as coming in with a connecting flight in Portland.  Everything was fine getting on my flight from Maui to Portland, but about 2.5 hours (about half way) in to the flight they turned the plane around.  They said there was a fuel warning light on and FAA regulations say they have to do an emergency landing because they were over the ocean. They were heading back to Honolulu, the nearest airport.  They were confident the issue was not actually a problem, but the rules are the rules.  We landed in Honolulu around the time we should have been landing in Portland.  With time changes and such this meant there would be no way for me to make my connecting Portland to Seattle flight, I was booked on the last one of the evening to begin with.  The flight was grounded for about an hour and a half and then it took off again.  While we were grounded I talked to a service agent about switching to a non-stop from Honolulu to Seattle so I could still get home.  The flights were quite full but they got me on one that was to leave at 9:30pm (it was around 4pm at the time).  I would get in to Seattle at 6:30am.  I killed 5 hours in the Honolulu airport and got ready to board the new flight, but when I went to board the agent pointed out that my ticket was for Sunday, not Saturday.  She sent me back to the counter to sort it out.  This is where things get really messy.  Neither she nor the other agent knew how to rebook my ticket once they had determined there were still seats on the flight.  They started to get frazzled because they didn’t want to hold up the flight so they went ahead and sent it off with out me because they couldn’t figure out how to do the paperwork.  I was quite upset at this point (and getting tired).  After the flight was off they called over a senior agent to assist me and he was disappointed that they hadn’t put me on the flight.  He found me a first class seat on a flight to Bellingham with a connection to Seattle.  It left in another hour and would have me in to Seattle at 11am.  I really had no more options so I boarded a flight around 10:30pm for Bellingham.  I got a few hours of restless sleep on the plane, caught the connecting flight and got in to Seattle as expected.  At this point I’ve been mostly awake for 24 hours.  I was tired, cranky, stiff and just wanted desperately to be home.  I was very thankful that my bag made it through to Seattle ahead of me so I was able to collect it at the airport before heading to pick up Jupiter and then home.

Last week I was off work for Mom and Dad’s summer visit and a big ol’ list of chores.  The weather was gorgeous but it was a little hard to appreciate it when we were outside sweating the whole time.  We did get *a lot* done though:

• Removed dog house built in to tack room
• Put up shelves and rearranged tack room (much more spacious and organized now!)
• Replaced master bedroom curtain rod, patched walls/ceiling and applied touch up paint
• Assembled new lawn tractor trailer
• Demo’d 16′x8′x8′ goat shed at old house
• Built a 2.5 cord wood shed (8′x10′x6′) at new house
• Cut, split, moved, and stacked about a cord of wood
• Semi-annual barn cleaning
• Built compost bin
• Delivered a load of compost to David
• Cleaned out hayloft (including a big pile of housing shingles)
• Rearranged/cleaned up storage behind the barn
• Had ~1 ton of alfalfa delivered
• Replaced lawn tractor blades and mowed the lawn
• Weed whacked the drainage ditch, around the deck, the garden, and the fence line
• Trimmed goat hooves
• Dried a batch of plums
• Tested the generator

Also in there was the usual cooking and tidying up bits too.  I’m really proud of how much we got done over the week.  The wood shed is a HUGE win.  The wood early this year was behind the barn partially protected by tarps which made it occasionally wet and a little tedious to retrieve.  The new wood shed is just steps from the back door so I don’t need to haul wood up to the back door/patio and worry about the bugs damaging the house, PLUS it holds much more than could be easily stored behind the barn.

I still need to tend to a few more things like getting the chimney swept and ordering more wood.  If I rearrange the hayloft a bit I can probably get another half ton up there which I may try to do since the paddock gets muddy in the winter making for difficulties in getting hay delivered.

Now I’m back at work for a week before taking off this weekend for Maui (with Mom, Dad, and my Aunt Cindy).  Chris (Thank you, thank you, thank you!) is checking on the animals for me, and Jupiter is going to stay at his Aunt Dawna’s so I’m relieved of all my obligations/worries.  I have no plans other than getting a tan.  It should be a very relaxing trip!

I (still) need to plan some international travel in the next while.  I signed up for a mileage credit card so I have even more flier miles than before!  If only I could decide on where I want to go!

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