Observations from dating

When I started dating again recently I didn’t realize exactly how out of it I was.  I mean I dated from ages 15 to 30, it’s not like I’m lacking practice or even that far out of touch, but yea… Its been interesting!

Some things I’ve learned:

Many people that contact you won’t carry on a conversation past the first day.  I’m not sure if this is because they are just feeling lonely or maybe they aren’t really available to be dating, but about 50% of the guys that initiate a conversation will be very talkative for a day or two and then just stop.  I don’t think this is because they’ve had some epiphany about me that turns them away.  Polling my other friends using online dating it seems to be common for both genders.

Don’t invite someone to your house unless you are planning on sleeping with them.  This disappoints me a little but it seems to be the common assumption that if you invite someone to your home that you are implying that’s where things are going.  I don’t invite a first date to my house to begin with, but I do feel like hanging out in a low pressure environment is conducive to getting to know someone.

People make up weird excuses for turning someone down because it’s “easier” than saying “hey this isn’t working for me”.  The best one to date was being told that *I* wasn’t interested in *them* as a reason for why they didn’t want to continue talking.  This is not the date you are looking for *hand wave*

Things I’ve learned about myself, or kind of my “guidelines”.  Some of these are developed with the feedback of friends as well:

I’m not going to initiate contact the majority of the time.  Call it the “He’s just not in to you” approach, but I’m old fashioned that way.  If you “wink” or “nudge” me but can’t bring yourself to send a simple message, I’m not going to respond.

If you are only looking for women your age and younger, I’m probably not going to respond.

I have pictures on my profile don’t ask for more.  I’m not saving a topless shot for that awesome guy that asked for more pictures.

I want to get to know you online a bit first before I go meet a complete stranger at a bar or coffee shop.  I guess this frustrates some people, but uhm, yea.  I think it speaks for itself really.

I’m not going to kiss you and I don’t expect you to try to kiss me on a first date unless it’s incredibly exceptional.  A kiss is not a requirement and a date is not a promise.

It goes with out saying after the previous item, but I’m not going to sleep with you on the first date… or the second… or probably the third or fourth.

I would like you to pay for dinner or assume you are going to.  If I offer to split it you can take me up on it, but you should at least be planning on paying.  I can respect being on a budget, and I’m not out for a free meal, but this is back to the old fashioned bit.  It’s less about the money and more about the gesture.

If you are unemployed or have no transportation (doesn’t have to be a car!) I’m not interested.  Get yourself sorted out first.  We are in our mid-30′s for goodness sake!

I can’t do dates consecutive nights in a row.  It just far exceeds my capacity as an introvert.

Ahhh, the joys of being single…  If only someone could  make it easier…